Why Does Trauma Bonding Occur?

Why trauma bonding occur? Trauma bonding is a process whereby we become attached to someone who has caused us pain or trauma. This can happen in abusive relationships, where we become attached to our abuser. It can also happen in other kinds of relationships, where we become attached to someone who is not good for us.

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Trauma bonding is a type of attachment that forms between an individual and their abuser. This type of bond can occur in any type of relationship where there is an imbalance of power, such as with a parent-child relationship, or a boss-employee relationship. It can also occur in relationships where one partner is physically or emotionally abusive.

The bond is formed when the individual experiences positive and negative aspects of the relationship. The positive aspects could be anything that makes the individual feel good, such as attention, compliments, or gifts. The negative aspects could be anything that causes pain or suffering, such as verbal abuse, physical abuse, or neglect. Over time, the individual begins to associate the abuser with both positive and negative emotions, which creates a strong emotional bond.

This type of bond can be difficult to break because the individual feels like they need the abuser in their life. They may also believe that the abuser is the only one who truly understands them. If you have formed trauma bond with your abuser, it is important to seek help from a therapist or counselor who can help you address the underlying issues.

What is Trauma Bonding?

Trauma bonding is the phenomenon whereby we become attached to people who have caused us hurt or pain, often because they offer us a sense of predictability in an otherwise chaotic world. This can happen in any close relationship, but is particularly common in abusive ones.

Trauma bonding can occur when we experience positive emotions in the presence of the person who has hurt us. This might happen if they apologize after an argument, or give us a gift out of the blue. These small acts of kindness can confused us into thinking that the person is actually good for us, when in reality they are not.

We might also bond with someone who has harmed us because they offer us a sense of stability. This can be especially common in relationships where one person is emotionally unstable, as their partner feels they need to be there to support them. Unfortunately, this often leads to the codependent feeling trapped in the relationship.

If you think you might be suffering from trauma bonding, it is important to reach out for help. This type of attachment can be very damaging to our mental and emotional wellbeing, and it is important to get support from professionals who can help you to understand what is happening and why.

The Three Main Factors That Contribute to Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding is an intense emotional connection that can form between two people who have been through a traumatic experience together. The bond is often characterized by feelings of codependency, clinginess, and an inability to let go. There are three main factors that contribute to trauma bonding: dependency, fear, and isolation.

1. Attachment style

Attachment styles are classified into three different categories: secure, anxious-ambivalent, and avoidant. People with a secure attachment style tend to feel comfortable with intimacy and are not afraid of commitment. People with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style tend to be afraid of abandonment and often feel unsure about their partner’s level of commitment. People with an avoidant attachment style often suppress their feelings and have a difficult time getting close to others.

2. The type of trauma

There are three main factors that contribute to trauma bonding: the type of trauma, the intensity of the trauma, and the duration of the trauma.

The type of trauma is important because it determines how your brain will respond to the event. Trauma can be emotional, physical, or sexual.emotional trauma is usually more damaging because it disrupts your sense of safety and trust. Physical trauma can also be very damaging, especially if it’s repeated or severe. Sexual trauma is often the most damaging because it violates your personal boundaries and sense of self.

The intensity of the trauma is also a important factor. A single, isolated event is usually not as damaging as repeated or chronic abuse. The more intense the trauma, the more likely it is to cause lasting damage.

The duration of the trauma is also a important factor. A single event that lasts for a long time (such as being held captive) is usually more damaging than a series of shorter events (such as being yelled at).

3. The victim’s age

Age may play a role in how quickly someone becomes bonded to their abuser. A younger victim may not have the same life experience or maturity to recognize abuse, and may look up to the abuser as a figure of authority. An older victim may be more likely to question the abuse and try to leave, but may feel they can’t because they’re financially dependent on the abuser.

How to Break the Trauma Bond

Trauma bonding is a form of attachment that occurs between two people who have been through a traumatic experience together. This type of bond is characterized by an unhealthy dependence on the other person, as well as feelings of fear, obligation, and guilt. While trauma bonding can happen in any type of relationship, it is most commonly seen in abusive relationships.

If you are in a trauma bond with someone, it is important to understand that you are not alone and there is help available. There are many ways to break the trauma bond and get out of an abusive relationship. With the right support, you can heal the wounds of your past and create a healthy, happy future for yourself.


In conclusion, trauma bonding is a real phenomenon that can occur in any relationship where there is an imbalance of power. It can happen in friendships, romantic relationships, parent-child relationships, and even doctor-patient relationships. If you suspect that you might be trapped in a trauma bond, it’s important to seek help from a trusted friend or therapist. Only by understanding the dynamics of the relationship can you begin to take steps to break free.

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