Welcome! The first inaugural post of a blog should be something besides “Hi, hello out there in blogland, this is my first post.” So, I thought I’d do something a little different — an interview with myself. Hey, why not? I know what questions to ask. Plus, I won’t go all “that’s off the record” on myself, either.
Here we go!
So, Annie, thanks for the interview.
Oh, you’re welcome, Annie. My pleasure. Thanks for the interest.
First things first, I suppose. Why is this site called “Trauma Dolls”?
Well, Annie, several reasons really. Initially, of course, this site was called “The Tramadol Diaries” – because while I never wanted to take pain medication, when it came down to that (after everything else didn’t work for four long years), those little white pills saved my life. And it was a little inside joke. See, I wanted this site to have a conversational, slightly confessional tone to it. So the “Diaries” part was a no-brainer. Together, it just sounds funny. Tramadol Diaries. Kinda like “True Confessions” or “Victoria’s Secret.” Maybe not as pretty.
But then Google dissed me. Or rather, my site. Or rather, my site name. It doesn’t like the “T” word. And then my good Doll buddy, Carolie Brekke, suggested “Trauma Dolls.” It sounds like tramadol. It calls up visions of gorgeous totally-not-Barbie-dolls in wicked awesome clothes doing wicked fun things. And thus, the site was (re)born.
Wait. Go back a second. Tramadol saved your life? That’s a pretty bold statement.
Well, it’s true. I wrestled with fibromyalgia symptoms and pain from degenerative disk disease and scoliosis for several years, using only over the counter pain relievers and conservative treatments. I tried everything that was available to me — chiropractic, traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture, supplements, guaifenisin, special brands of yoga therapy — nothing really worked for me, not completely. Then I read a study abstract that concluded tramadol plus acetaminophen worked well in some fibro patients. So, I tried it. And it worked for me.
What does “worked” mean, exactly? What was the difference in your pain level or your daily life, if you will?
It was the difference between “coping” and “living.” See, I was functional all along, although sometimes just barely. But I was always in a level of pain that prevented most physical activities, including playing with my daughter and housework. The housework part I didn’t mind so much but the playing with the kid? That one was bad news. The combination of tramadol and acetaminophen let me regain some measure of physical activity.
So are you all better now?
I wish. Far from it. I still have flareups — lately, I’ve had a lot of bad ones. See, as my other chronic conditions get worse they seem to trigger fibro flares. When that happens, it’s like a really bad flu, all the time. Horrible aches and pains, complete lack of energy. Even pulling the bedcovers up over my torso makes my arms feel like I’ve gone ten rounds with Tyson in the ring.
What do you do during flareups?
No, not really. I try to avoid that, if possible. It never makes me feel better to sink into that feeling. I try to embrace the concept that there’s pain, and then there’s suffering. Pain may not be optional for me, but suffering? Totally optional.
So, if I can muster the energy, I sink into a very warm bath for a long, long while. If not, I take an extra acetaminophen with a tall glass of cool water with a dash of lemon juice, and lie down wrapped up in blankets (warmth tends to relieve the symptoms). While I’m lying there, I try to quiet the negative self-talk and count my breaths. Anything to stay in the moment and away from that spiraling “what this pain is going to become tomorrow?” feeling.
You say it got worse recently. What’s that been like?
Well, it put an end to my legal career, prematurely. I’d planned to resign for some time but not quite this early and certainly not like that. But I had to face the truth in 2009 — that I just could not continue to do the job, not in the way the clients needed me to. So, I resigned. Now, I’m focusing on transitioning into full-time writing and coaching, two things I am very passionate about and love to do. Plus, I think I’m better at that than being a lawyer, frankly. Lawyering was always something of a tortuous exercise for me — it didn’t come naturally the way writing and coaching seem to.
And what’s next for you?
Well, I hope to grow this website into something valuable for all chronic pain sufferers. No matter what the underlying condition might be, we all have similar obstacles to face. We have to renegotiate life, basically, on completely new terms. There are legal issues, and relationship struggles, and parenting crises … basically every aspect of life is impacted by chronic pain. I want to help others navigate that obstacle course and do something more than just live through it. I want to help others bring joy back into their lives.
So, I’m writing a book, which for now is tentatively titled The Trauma Dolls’ Thrival Guide to Living Beautifully With Chronic Pain.
Anything else we should know?
I hate liver. Also: humid heat.
But you lived in coastal South Carolina. For — like, ten years.
Actually it was thirteen years. Yeah. I know. Not too bright, huh?